Sunday, 30 January 2011

The 'Two Biscuit' Rule

Don't you read the title and act like you don't know what I'm talking about.

 It's perfectly simple, it's perfectly relevant and we know we should  obey it.
 The rule is everywhere we look, everywhere we breathe and stop for that cuppa. It's unavoidable, sacred and inbuilt into Human nature.
Should I continue to tease you? Or just come out and say it? I think I'll torment you with an ellipse first and then we'll get started ...

Prepare to be hurled  into a scenario:

You're exhausted, you've finished work for the day and it's time to unwind with a hot soothing cup of tea. A careful brew that caresses your throat, cradles your taste buds and cuddles your insides until you're all warm, dissolved and smiling. The steam dances delicately in the air before gently swaying upwards in to your nostrils. The wafting warms your nose skin and the fine lining hairs quiver contentedly. 

But hang on- there's something missing.

Like paper without  pen, salt without pepper, Angelina without Brad- the tea ALONE is incomplete. It needs it's other half. It needs it's biscuits.

But with the biscuits- along comes the dilemma.
You may have your irresistibly scrumptious, crumbly gems of happiness dunking daintily into your cup of hot heaven- but when do you STOP yourself? 

We all know we mustn't munch excessively- so where do we draw the line? 
After ONE biscuit- there will ALWAYS be the crave for another. One biscuit will never quite satisfy your needs, never quite delight all the taste buds, never quite hit the spot.

So then we opt for another, to colour in our edible edges and solve the problem.
TWO biscuits is the dignified amount, the respected amount, the well mannered and well contained amount of biscuits to have. And this, my friend, is the 'two biscuit rule'.

But for me, it's not as easy a rule to follow as it sounds.
Once you've eaten those two biscuits-not only are you craving another- you're feeling more guilt at the thought of a 3rd. Because THREE biscuits is excess. The very thought of three, wreaks with the pungent stench of greed. Even the word 'three' itself has an excess of 'e's. Three is naughty waters.

But i like naughty waters.
I want to push the button that i shouldn't, peak around the door that i shouldn't and dip my feet in those cheeky streams. Yes i know it will come with it's guilt,  I know I'll regret having wet feet-but BOY is the dipping worth it.

So you might be shocked at the length of this ramble on the mere concept of 'biscuits and tea' , but I write with a profound message, a stirring truth, a moving moral...

I say we all need to screw the 'two biscuit rule'.

If you want that third biscuit- you EAT that third biscuit. (you eat that NINTH biscuit!)
If you want to wade in those waters- you WADE to your hearts content.
Because societal barriers and peer pressure aside -it is YOUR choice and YOUR choice alone which decides the realms of your BISCUIT BLISS...


  1. Love it, I suddenly have a craving for biscuits and tea, and I am not even English.

  2. love it! i'm all about eating as much as you want ;)

  3. heehee...I like this one...except I think you all have a different definition of "biscuit"

  4. Haha Roma, I love your writing style so much, and I love the message of this post! We all need to just splurge here and there, and not feel guilty!

  5. Mmm. Biscuits. I've actually never had them with my tea *gasp* Haha. I know I know. I need to get with it and experience life )))

    This post made me want to go out and buy some biscuits ^_^ They sound delicious.

  6. Hi. Nice post and was good to read.
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  7. I like the message of this post, thanks for sharing it with us. We have to enjoy and eat that third biscuit now and then without a guilty conscience!

  8. Great post Roma! I think especially as women we feel a lot of guilt if we do indulge. Indulge I say - life is too damn short! :)

  9. You are an amazing writer! Great post!

  10. hilarious--I wouldn't be able to stop at just two ;) xoxo {av}

  11. love your writing.

    i definitely go for the third errr forth biscuit sometimes. at times, you just can't resist (:

  12. Can never stop with two :)