Saturday, 19 March 2011

The Icy Dash

Ever seen an Olympic runner, performing  in
their element?
The skill, the timing, the intense determination swirling in those hungry eyes?
Couldn't help but gaze, jaw agape, at the sheer talent that unravels effortlessly before you?

Well, that's nothing. 
Move aside Olympic medalists, eat your heart out Usain Bolt- there are far greater challenges to conquer.

 Nothing, and I mean nothing, compares to excruciating feat that is...
                                          The Icy Dash.

I'll set the scene:
You've woken up on a chilly weekday morning to an appetizing full day's work that awaits you. The mundane stench of  just the thought of the day, has you feeling queasy already.   
 You're shattered, grumpy and most probably not quite with it.

 So, half-dead, you stagger into the shower.

Yes, you scald yourself a couple of times with the water.
Yes, the shampoo seeps under your eyelids and takes a few vicious bites
 But overall, it's exactly what you needed. It's what loosens the embrace of sleep  and  what stirs you into the day.

Right ,shower off and time to reach for the towel...

In your sleepy haze you'd forgotten to place it near the door. You stand there bewildered - shivering, soggy and naked in your  freezing rectangular block.

But you've GOT to get that towel.

It is here mankind must face the ultimate test
It is here  mankind summons a courage that resides deep within

It is here Mankind must make
The Icy Dash.

The aim is simple:
The quicker you run, the sooner you'll be warm.
 You have just one option- to make The Icy Dash to the towel.

It is here the cold lunges barbarically at our bodies, the brisk air pinches at our skin, the bitter air howls in our ears.
Like a lone deer on savanna filled with ravenous lions-  we're nothing more than prey.
We dart, with wet hair,quivering bodies and a fatigued mind through the shadows of a sleeping house in utter silence.

 Some falter, stub toes and howl in agony.
Some have perfected it to something Graceful, skillful and laudable.
 No matter what happens, we can all admit The Icy Dash  truly is the
ultimate challenge.

So forget watching the Marathon, the Olympic games or one of those petty triathlons...
It's time to start appreciating true talent
It's time to start watching the human race in it's finest moments of unadulterated , pristine skill.

LET  The Icy Dash  

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

The Turd that is Tuesday...

Have you ever had the Monday morning feeling? Felt the bitter sting as the first day of the week crawls in?  Often wanted to do anything to escape the monotony?

You see, it's not Monday we need to worry about.
Forget the cliche, the accepted connotation of the day... there are far more evil forces at work. Behind the Monday facade lurks something far more atrocious, more terrifying.


Don't laugh, don't look away- I KNOW you agree.
We all shy away from the truth that stares us  straight in the eye. Tuesday is the real wretch of the week. Tuesday is what Monday threw up.
The slippery, daemonic day that deceives us as 'normal' .

 NO- I've had enough.
It's time to disregard the Status-Quo that we stick to sheepishly.
Rip off those foggy 'stick with the given' goggles.
It's time to reveal the turd that is Tuesday for what it really is...

I mean let's be honest- what right does it even have to be in our weekly structure?! 

Monday -       The beginning, we all collectively agree it's unpleasant...fine.
Wednesday- The middle of the week, half way there..
Thursday-The 'nearing the summit' day. 'Hack on with some work' day, 'sort out the weekend plans' day.
Friday-      The party begins, bring out the fish and chips- it's time to have fun.
Saturday-  The free day. Your day- make it what you will.
Sunday-    The 'relax, unwind and recooperate' day.

It's a solid, understandable week.

So why on earth does Tuesday insist on creeping in there? 

Tuesday is unnecessary.
Tuesday is nothing.
Tuesday needs to be banned.

Who's with me!?