Lean in and listen close; I’m going to let you in on a secret about the teenage body.
Yes, us lot are linked to embarrassing bodies, pubescent awkwardness and cringeful changes la-de-da-di-dah, but I have a sneaky body secret that the scientists have overlooked.
You see, we teenagers have developed a growth.
That’s right, recoil away in disgust- but it’s the truth. We have all grown an inescapable, hard, protruding lump that has become a permanent extension of our bodies.
We constantly feel it on us, constantly fret about checking up on it, yet funnily enough; we rather adore our lumpy growth.
To make it crystal- the growth is unavoidable. However, unlike our unpredictable, ugly old visitor Mr. acne, our bulging lump is rather fashionable. It’s with us everywhere we go, a clump of comfort, almost adding a sprinkle of sanity to our lives. It’s become a teenage trademark.
Everywhere you look you’ll see us with our lumps. Curved lumps, Galaxy lumps, Adults may look on in disbelief, confused by our obsession with this cyst- but that is what we love the most. The growth is ours; teenage turf.
Oh and the power of the lump doesn’t stop there. The protrusion also protects us against the worst of fashion blunders. Forget Tie-Dye and Crocs, I’m talking about the dreaded teenage phobia of looking UNOCCUPIED.
Eurgh. 
There is nothing more hideous than simply ‘being there’ to us. What’s that I hear you say? Just smell the roses? Ponder on life? Watch the world go by? Well, listen carefully. Do you hear that? That’s the collective churning of adolescent stomachs across the country. NO.
There is nothing more hideous than simply ‘being there’ to us. What’s that I hear you say? Just smell the roses? Ponder on life? Watch the world go by? Well, listen carefully. Do you hear that? That’s the collective churning of adolescent stomachs across the country. NO. We must constantly prove we are busy and constantly prove we have interest somewhere else. That’s where the lump comes in. Providing us with a deterrent from the truth we aren’t really doing much, feeding our social status and curing our boredom; our cyst is sacred.
So there you go, the secret truth that the teenage lump is not just prominent but in fact intrinsically attached to us. Speak of the devil, mines ringing now…
