The dad shop

This Summer I have been ridiculously greedy. As I've been going out a lot I always seem to find myself eating or pigging out on junk food and ramming popcorn and slushies in my mouth at the cinema. So, on Thursday night (after a particularly greedy surge while seeing SALT) i decided that when I woke up the next morning it was time for healthy eating. Bless me, I actually thought i could do it-but how wrong I was.

So I woke up on Friday morning ,feeling refreshed and ready to begin my healthy day-but then disaster struck. As I ambled into the kitchen, I found my dad unloading the food from his Tesco shop earlier that morning.Now,  just to make it clear, sending my dad shopping IS NOT CLEVER!. You see, when my dad shops he doesn't look for fruit,meals and balance he loads the trolley full of , to put it succinctly, lard. The result of the shop always concludes in the same scolding by mum-you think he'd learn. £85 spent- 1 decent meal, classic dad. I mean don't get me wrong, when I'm in the pigging out mood it's brilliant, but when I'm not -it's a different story.

 So, as  gazed around the kitchen i saw cookies stacked up on the counter, muffins galore, chocolate multi-packs, Galaxy mousses, huge tubs of ice cream, flapjacks,caramel digestives and uncountable amounts more. Everywhere i looked, all i could see was delicious fatty foods, just when i really didn't want to see them. Typical. So i rapidly opened the cereal cupboard for an attempt at a normal breakfast. Did i find it? No, of course not,it's dad. Instead i see Coco pops, Honey waffles, Frosties and cookie crisp. Resisting ripping open the pack and pouring the carbs into my mouth was becoming a challenge now. So I darted to the fridge to grab a drink,something fresh or fruity, but oh no. Instead the fridge was lined with chocolate milk, Pepsi and vanilla smoothies. My taste buds were now screeching, mouth tingling and belly growling impatiently. So in one last desperate attempt to stick to my healthy plan- I sprung open the bread-bin to not find nutritious wholesome bread, but sugar buns, marble cake and banana loaf. That was the final straw and my body took over from there.

I don't remember much after that,  just opening my eyes to find myself sprawled out on the sofa and smelling of chocolate. There were biscuit crumbs on my shirt, a muffin wrapper at my side and a 'licked clean' Galaxy mousse cup at my feet, next to a peculiarly empty vanilla smoothie carton. Oops!